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                                      California Update from Molly Youngstrom on Vimeo.

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So Here I Am

Remember a few entries ago when I discussed the reality of how my plans seem to always have a way of failing, only to find that Jesus has something so much better for me?

Well. That happened again.

I was in the process of getting out of the US and moving to Europe. Believing this was my calling. 

Only I was limiting myself. I feel like I'm a totally new person from who I was just a few months ago. I had this thing in my mind that I needed to go somewhere "hard" and "suffer" and "be alone" to do ministry. I brushed off my honest and real dreams, because I didn't believe in my mind that Jesus was good enough to make them happen. But I was proved wrong.

I didn't receive the finances to go to Amsterdam and Norway this summer. It was the first time I didn't receive my finances in something I believed so strongly for. 

However, I did receive the finances to go to California to participate in the 21 Project. A collaborative leadership program that lasted 3 weeks. I was in the business training track for aspiring entrepreneurs. In these 3 weeks, I was rocked. Like the kind of rocked that makes you rethink your whole life, in the best way possible. I pretty much got a brain transplant. And a heart transplant thrown in there too.

Jesus' goodness was made known to me. In new and exciting ways. Have you ever had a stirring dream on your heart that was always there, but you decided it was too far fetched to ever happen and you just came to a conclusion that it was dumb? Well I've pretty much been doing that my whole life up until recently. What if I told you that those dreams are so real, and so possible? The world needs more passion. More dreamers/doers. More people who come alive. So I've decided to become one of those people. And I hope to bring plenty of others along with me. I heard a wise man recently say, "Life is too short to live without passion", and isn't that so true. We spend our whole lives building up empires of dirt, and the soil is money and security. 

The American dream is dying. People aren't satisfied with it anymore. We were made for something so much more. Or should I say, Someone. 

So what is the latest crazy faith step I've made in my life? I've moved into a community house with 24 other crazy dreamers in California. In this household we have amazing musicians, artisans, etc. , and our sole mission is to creatively make Jesus' name the most famous in all of America, and then the world. We will be touring this fall around the nation and gathering young people, spreading the gospel of love and grace. The great awakening is coming and I'm so excited! 

I want to update so much more but I realize many people become a little weary after long blog posts, so if you would like to hear more you can email me at "myoungstrom@yahoo.com". I will send out a more in depth newsletter soon too! And I will update more of the testimonies and awesome happenings.

Just as a preview, there have been a lot of amazing opportunities for me to connect with people in the fashion industry and different ministries that go on within it! I will tell you more next time I can update. But here is a video to get a glimpse into life as of late, that my lovely friend Madison made:

A Glimpse Into My Spirit

(Photo by Emily Gross)

I'm an orphan. I'm a prostitute.

I'm a widow. I'm homeless.

I'm a criminal. A thief. 

I'm an outcast. A wandering vagabond.

I am broken. I'm an adulterer. I'm a murderer.

I am poor.

This is but a small glimpse into my spirit.

I look into my self, and this is what I see. 

Blackness&Oppression.

Some might call this: a sinner.

This is not the end of the story.

"...while we were yet sinners...."

Indeed, Love has made a way

By coming down into the darkness of my heart, 

and not only killing it, but being killed with it.

Defeating it forever.

By rising from the grave, Love has overcome it all.

Love has made this orphan a daughter.

Love has made this prostitute pure.

Love has wedded this widow and kept her for His own.

Love has given this homeless one an eternal Home.

Love cleared this criminals record.

Love justified this thief.

For this outcast, Love has made her belong.

For this wandering vagabond, Love has laid out a planned journey.

For this broken one, Love has bound up the wounds.

For this adulterer, Love has washed her clean. 

For this murderer, Love has paid the debt.

For this poor sinner,

Love has crowned her in royalty.

Truly, I am nothing without this Love.

Along Came 2013

Okay, to start off, the phrase "Let Go and Let God" is overkill and we all need to stop using it. However, let's all be attuned to it's meaning.

A few weeks ago I found a piece of paper in my journal. Written on this paper was a "5 Year Plan" I had made at the end of 2012 and totally expected to complete. However, when I look at this 5 year plan now, all I can do is laugh at how closed minded and ignorant I really was about what would happen during 2013.

Going into a year, I never really think about how much will change, and even more so, how much I myself will change. 

These plans on this piece of paper consisted of goals, in which I obviously didn't put into perspective the things that I would experience in 2013, and the things the Lord would reveal to me. 

For example, according to this piece of paper, I'm getting married in 2017. Yep. As if I have control over that, let's be real.

And the more I thought about the ridiculousness of this list, the more I thought about the ridiculousness of trying to take control of our lives. Trying to control our lives is about as pointless as screwing in a burnt out light bulb to several different lamps, hoping one of the lamps might hold some kind of power over the bulb coming back to life. But none of them do. It's burnt out. Throw it away for goodness sake. 

I feel as though we put so much effort into "10 year plans", "5 year plans", etc., and we invest our heart and souls into making these things happen, and if they don't happen, we feel like we've failed. I can tell you one thing, every single thing I try to plan that is outside of God's will, fails. 

I tried going to college. Tried a lot actually: failed.

I tried planning on NOT EVER going back to Kona, Hawaii to be on staff with YWAM: failed.

I tried being the single, independent missionary, who didn't need a man in her life to complete the Lord's call: failed (praise).

I honestly can look back at all of these failed attempts and thank Jesus a million times over. I'm so freaking happy that my plans failed in all these areas. Because here's the reality: all of these plans I had were not in God's will. And that's just it. I was focusing more on the dreams of my heart and not even thinking to ask the Lord what the dreams of His heart were for my life. 

And trust me, He has them!

Sometimes when my heart gets weary, and I'm at a weak point of wanting to please people, I will think up all these different options and plans for my life; without God. 

I start loosing focus of Jesus and kind of veer to the left or the right and think I know what's best for me and I will just suddenly plan something out of His will. And what happens? The plan fails. Praise God, it flat out fails.

And it almost brings me joy, oddly, when it fails in the biggest way possible. When the door I'm trying to open literally slams right in my face because of how wrong that path was for me. It's quite funny actually. 

Sometimes plans will fail in smaller ways that you don't really realize, because of the subtly of it. 

I guess all I'm trying to conclude here is the beauty of letting go, and finally letting the Lord take control. Because ever since I have planned things in His will, it has obviously come to pass. And it has been far more outstanding than any life I could have ever dreamed up for myself. 

Instead of getting caught up in the plans and the future, let's focus on the now and how we can love those around us. How we can thrive where we are at and take things day by day, rather than every 5 years. 

Strategy and plan is nice, don't get me wrong, as long as it's lined up with the purpose that we were meant to live out.

I thought I had the next 5 years planned out for me, then along came 2013. For 2014 I'm approaching it a little differently. I'm open and ready for what ever it holds. Even if it isn't completely clear yet, I trust that it will pan out exactly how it's supposed to, as long as I'm relying on His will.